arriving on father's day

After 28 hours of travel with 3 kids, we arrived to our new home in Kigali Rwanda today. On Father's day.

While driving away from our send-off gathering on Friday where, in our dear friend Sutton's words, friends came together to "eat pizza, hug, say goodbye and cry," Lucy, our oldest at 5 1/2, completely lost it. "I WON'T go. I WON'T move. I can't. NO!!" And she continued with her dramatic and sure refusal for 20 minutes, complete with angry and scared tears, yelling and just honest, heartbreaking sadness. 

there were funny moments, like when in response to me saying "oh I hope I didn't forget anything" she said "you know what you CAN FORGET? YOU CAN FORGET  MOVING BECAUSE WE AREN'T GOING." and then there were the worst of the worst moments, like when she said: "can't you just ask God to change his mind. I don't think he put this idea into my heart. can't you just ask him to change your mind so we don't have to move from our house and our friends?" 

those are some of the most heartbreaking words you can hear. this beautiful child made in God's and our image, given to you to love, nurture and carefully and prayerfully launch into this broken and beautiful world, whose Good you want SO badly, looking at you and telling you she doesn't want to go to a place you're going and at least in some young ways, she resents you for it.

Arriving on Father's day feels a bit ironic. 

Hunter, today I would especially want you to know: I love how you want so many good things for our children: safety, joy, happiness, rewarding experiences. you want them to feel seen, known loved, delighted in. you want them to have tons of fun. you want them to feel secure. and you want them to have faith. Strong, deep rooted faith and hope that will bouy and orient them in this world.

So on Father's day I honor you for this crazy move across the world. a move that I'll admit in some ways feels like it exposes and makes more vulnerable some of those good desires you and we have for our kids. (of course that's true in every culture in which you raise children--some of those deep longings are more vulnerable and difficult to nurture than others.) 

But I wouldn't want you to think I just honor you because the work you're doing is so meaningful: using your skills to bless those who are more vulnerable than us, hoping in the end there will be many stories about how Karisimbi's efforts were part of bringing good news of God's faithfulness to those who are poor. Yes I honor you for that and hope our kids will too. But watching you go through the wrestling about whether or not to "say yes", I've watched your great concern and great love for our children shape the decision. 

And I watched how it actually felt simple in the end. Overall, through the process of discernment, it just felt like God showed us to go. And so while we can do lots of things towards our other desires for them, your most important job as their earthly father is to show them what it means to follow their heavenly one, whether that feels like it needs loads of courage or not. I know you'll make this move as you should: tenderly, remembering each of our children's frames and keeping your many desires for them. And I sincerely hope and pray with you that they come to love this decision and love living here. I pray that we will still see evidence that they feel seen, known heard, delighted in, here in Kigali. I pray they will feel secure. I pray that they will have rewarding and fun experiences. 

But I'm confident you've already done the most important parenting job regarding this huge change: modeling what it means to follow Him. modeling what it means to walk with faith and obey. thank you.

(Up in the middle of the night in a new unfamiliar "home" in Kigali, feeling homesick and shaky myself, I think I needed these reminders as much as our kids. This decision wasn't made lightly or passionately. it was made a bit more like Peter looking at Jesus and saying "LORD, to whom shall we go?" it seems like He led us here so how could we not come? 

thanks for leading us the way you have. I love you.

(PS, for all our concerned loved ones! Lucy told us tonight she was really excited and really likes Rwanda a lot more than she thought she would. you could tell she feels really comfortable in the house and she really loves her room. pictures soon, promise.)