Saturday, November 16, 2013

where fierce, unyielding compassion and wisdom meet

Sometimes when I face the needs of someone remarkably poor and desperate, whom I don't think I'm actually supposed to be helping, I choose to lower my eyes. To keep emotional distance. To come up with reasonable sounding excuses as to why I shouldn't get involved (physically or emotionally). I did it in the States when pulling up to a light and someone hungry, homeless or lonely tapped on my window. "They'll probably use the money they're asking for for beer." "I give to places that help men like him...this kind of mercy is actually toxic." And I do it here when someone desperate pleads at the gate. Or incessantly calls my number. "This is what he means in the book "when helping hurts." It isn't good for our long term relationship or their long term good for me to help with that."

That train of thinking isn't lacking knowledge necessarily--it even has wisdom, perhaps--but there can be a significant cost to our godly compassion when we remain exclusively in our heads. Being able to say "no" to someone without it creating angst, longing or compassion is a deadening, hardening reality for many. There are thousands who've grown cynical and cold to the needs of the poor, but mask their unbiblical indifference with wise-sounding arguments.

But wisdom should never need to diminish compassion. Never. With God these things always work congruently.

But then, of course, there are a lot of passionate but not weathered college students and recent college graduates who judge those who they feel have burned out on their former passions (me 10 years ago). They look down their noses at those who have burned out but still care deeply and others who have grown cynical and (seemingly) indifferent to the never-ending needs of those who are poor. "That'll never happen to me" they proudly assume. "Those guys must have just not really had it in them. They must not have cared as much as me."

There's a significant cost, too, for those zealous twentysomethings (and older!) who compassionately engage real poverty without knowing how and when to say no. There are thousands of stories of these (aging) young ones neglecting spouses and children, never resting, doing more than they were made to do; all, of course, in the name of compassion for those who are desperate and needy.

I think the Bible shows us that there's something wise and deeply good for us in these moments and stories that falls somewhere between lowering our eyes and exhaustive involvement.

With Jesus wisdom and compassion always meet.

Matthew 9: 35-38:
"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

Within the first few months of living here we were inundated with ideas, desires and compelling needs. We had known about a lot of organizations both large and small in advance of moving to Rwanda, so it wasn't long upon moving here that we were feeling the pull of many needs.

I think as I've grown in my faith and asked for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His, my compassion has grown. Which means I've grown to cry and ache in many ways where people (all) are lacking something that is part of our design: Family. Food. Shelter. Health. Love. Some affect me much more deeply--He's given me some deep aches that orient my calling and schedule, but I've grown aches and longings for things that don't pull my heart strings so naturally, too.

And this is what kept happening in our first months here. And what happens anywhere in the world. You encounter a need. You sense someone's lonely. Someone's marriage is struggling. Someone's kid isn't getting adequate education. Etc. It isn't a need you're necessarily supposed to/made to engage (but it might be). But you don't want to just be cold and indifferent. But you don't want to just say yes, either. So what do you do?

I think this passage suggests that in that moment we're meant to feel compassion but that compassion can lead us in a few ways. Sometimes in leads us to activity. Like the many times Jesus' heart when out to someone and He healed them. And the many times He calls you/me into activity to be his healing hands and feet that bring good news. But in this passage, Jesus' compassion was followed-up by reminding his disciples to pray. There's so much need. Pray.

What does that say to me? It says: be careful not to let your heart stop feeling compassion in order to make wise choices for yourself or others in these moments. Let your hearts move with the Lord's heart. But ask him to give you the wisdom of when his compassion is meant for you to cry out for more laborers who are made to engage with that person's story. And ask him to give you the wisdom and willingness to engage deeply and messily when it is something into which He's called you.

I'm so thankful for a Savior who has infinite wisdom, who knows most deeply what people need, and when he walked the earth who regularly engaged individuals and looked out upon crowds and his heart was always filled with compassion. May that be increasingly true for me and you.

I'm so thankful that He allowed me to read these words with the Spirit's help to apply them in our first few months here. I imagine I'll keep revisiting this passage throughout my life.

*I have a lot of respect for the men and women who have written articles and books around the topics of (and titles) Toxic Charity and When Helping Hurts. Their hearts are compassionate and wise and they've helped make a lot of progress in ensuring the kind of involvement activists engage in is actually deeply helpful. But sometimes I think readers have allowed some of their ideas to be extracted without their aching hearts of compassion. And there's a lot of danger in that space.

Friday, November 8, 2013

A year ago today

A year ago today my husband boarded a plane alone to Rwanda. He carried more baggage with him than a 3 day trip required. Not just the baggage filled with treasured goodies for expat friends, but the phantom weight of the emotional marital baggage we'd carried, wrestled through, fought, ached, cried and longed over. Baggage that had left us weary, humbled and broken. Baggage that by God's grace had largely been resolved and restored. Would this be the next step in not only resolving but redeeming it?


The summer before we married I spent living with beautiful girls not unlike my daughter Lucy but who happened to be born in Zimbabwe. And who happened to have been orphaned by AIDS and poverty. I arrived back in the States five weeks before we said "I do" and I came home with a newly planted but deeply rooted part of me. A part of my image bearing dignity had been catalyzed in those months away. 

As I deplaned and set to life in Richmond, VA, I thought that catalyzed seed was a fully formed plant. Oh, but it was embryonic at best, and I had no clue. It seems that God planned many years of nurturing and carefully cultivating that desire, but I thought it was ready for launch. And so obstinantely, passionately but with good longings, I demanded that it be launched immediately. And so it sort of was. But not without its years of tantrums, demands, self-centeredness, and judgment that belies a lack of grace and wisdom. Though plenty of other parts of us thrived and developed, the incongruence felt in our marriage regarding how terribly I dealt with my good longings and passion created many painful and difficult conversations, fights and years of marriage.

But through many "I'm sorry's" and "I was so wrongs" and a generally humbling seven years, God healed that part of me and us. And He maintained and sustained in both of us a part of the LORD's image created and purposed in us before our parents celebrated our births: a desire to show what God's kingdom is like by using our gifts among the least of these. 

Despite deep wounds inflicted, our desire and passion and dignity still had a pulse.

But in August 2012 when Hunter (somewhat accidentally) initiated a potential job in Rwanda at Karisimbi, we walked with trepidation, knowing the marital minefield surrounding us. We walked slowly and we walked together, neither of us rushing ahead. Both of us still very aware of the scars of past wounds. Both of us still feeling the desire and hope for what could be. 

We walked together until November 8th when he boarded the plane alone. And we both knew that this choice and decision was his to make. The decision, final interviews, in-person impressions--all of that was his responsibility, not mine. Yes he would yield to and obey God if it felt like that was how the LORD showed him to make the decision. But we knew it might not come down that way; God doesn't always make our choices matters of obedience. Making the decision felt like a weighty responsibility to him, but by God's grace he didn't feel pressured or like I wouldn't support him if he said no. And he was ready to make that decision. 

I wish I could say I only delighted in the reality that the decision rested with Hunter. I certainly had an appreciation for how that was Planned. But OH how my heart cried out over that weekend, wrestling with God, writhing for power I didn't have and control that wasn't mine. Until the LORD quieted my soul. But he did quiet my soul.

a picture of me from that weekend that captured my excitement and angst
As I drove to the Dulles airport to pick up my husband knowing very little about how the weekend and interviews had gone, God settled in my soul that my main desire and pursuit that day was toward my husband. He was not a means to an end. As he arrived I felt curious about how he felt, how God had moved in him. I didn't rush the conversation along wanting only to know "SO, DO YOU THINK WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS OR NOT?!" I wasn't manufacturing that patience, I actually felt different. I was less concerned about the outcome and more concerned about knowing him. That was one of the biggest miracles and blessings of that weekend and of this move.

God wasn't only good on August 6th 2012 when Hunter initiated the job or on November 8th when he left for Rwanda. He wasn't only good when he came home on November 11th still shockingly (to both of us) open to the job. He wasn't only good on November 23rd when we got the job offer or on December 15th when we accepted it (don't worry I won't write anniversary posts for all of those).

He was good on September 4, 2004 when we said "I do." He was good on the most humbling and difficult days of our journey to living here. He was good on the days I wept in Richmond because He had legitimately made me want to stay and live and serve there. 

He is always good. 

"Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you have planned us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." Psalm 40: 5

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that none can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2: 8-10.


PS, In November 2011 (a year before the interviews), this was the email exchange between Hunter and me:

subject line "thinking about contacting Karisimbi again"
Hunter: you game? nothing imminent but I think I want to start the conversation that I thought about beginning a year ago.

my response:
"you just trying to get in bed with me?"

He was good that day too. 




these are a few of our favorite things...

Friends have been asking about how/what to send to us for our first Christmas away. Thanks for thinking of us!!

Our address is
Hunter and Adrianne Thompson
PO Box 7164 
Kigali, Rwanda

Christmas cards (which we would LOOOOOOVE) need 3 stamps to make it to us!

Here is a dream/wish list! thanks so much for loving on our family!!

  • copies of your itinerary to come visit us!! SERIOUSLY!!!!
  • ITunes Gift cards
  • cereals
    • honeynut cheerios
    • regular cheerios
    • cinnamon toast crunch
    • cocoa puffs
    • raisin bran
    • life and cinnamon life
  • chocolate chips
  • light brown sugar
  • 2 Cup liquid measuring cup
  • goldfish
  • wheat thins
  • Jif peanut butter
  • oreos
  • brown sugar poptarts
  • creamy parmesan risotto
  • 0-3 month onesies (for the few weeks we'll be here before coming home to visit!)
  • Les Miserables movie
  • nalgene bottles (2)
  • magnetic fridge picture frames
  • "real" bacon bits
  • parmesan cheese
  • graham crackers
  • oatmeal packets (not the fruity ones... we like cinnamon, banana bread, brown sugar)
  • cracklin oat bran
  • taco shells
  • tostitos
  • Isaiah wants a "real wand"??
  • Lucy said "a new barbie"