on not changing the world in a year...

Hunter:

A year ago Sunday you officially began your work in Rwanda for Karisimbi Business Partners. The "should we take the job?" discernment process weighed heavily on you for many months (years, really)-- I mean, the potential result this go-around was carrying 3 kids and a wife across the world--very far from the comfort of people who know and love us, and without some significant folks' blessing and approval;  I guess it makes sense that it felt heavy. 

on our flight to Rwanda when Hunter moved there last March

I want you to know that throughout that process I found you to be humble, wise, brave and faithful. Here's some of why:

1- How you decided we should go. You are still learning of course, but you knew God's Kingdom doesn't measure things the way the world does. You could have said our "yes" was so we would have greater impact on more people because of your skills...but you reminded me and others that we serve a God who taught us to (sometimes) leave 99 to pursue just 1. How could we know? You could have said our "yes" was because God has great concern for the poor--which He does. But you've consistently reminded me and others that when He walked the earth He drew wealthy and powerful people to himself too. His love and pursuit doesn't discriminate and so your time (and others' time) working for places like your old employer in our former country of residence wasn't somehow automatically "less" of a faithful vocation or calling. Why are you so (annoyingly) able to see both sides of things and still make (good) decisions? 

Sigh. If I'd had it my way, you could have said a "yes" was because of a lot of things that sound passionate, rallying and inspiring (and sadly sometimes shaming and self-righteous). But in the end, those passionate and inspiring sound bites aren't what move people towards a faithful, steady life of listening to Him and following Him. 

See, steady me while you were interviewing in Rwanda and I was about to burst with hope, fear, excitement, longing

And of course you could've said "no" too--for about a bajillion reasons: because you had 3 kids in important years developmentally, because we were deeply involved in things we're passionate about (well, God's passionate about and we borrow it) in Richmond, because we own two houses, because you had a great job that you enjoyed that paid us really well and allowed us to do a lot, etc. But those weren't automatic deal breakers to you, though certainly worth consideration.

So instead, you carefully considered your skills and story, the make-up of the family God has given you, what you've learned about the Bible and how to look for and sense the direction of His leading. You humbly asked people who've walked closely with us for their prayers, their input, their concerns/cautions and encouragement (and at the same time you somewhat awkwardly (socially) chose to NOT include too many people in that process for fear of pride or attention on our story. You faithfully steered us really clear of the always tempting "look at what we're thinking about doing" acclaim). Oh, love, you've sharpened me by your faithful steering in that way. Thank you.

And after a number of months of consideration and prayer...well...it seemed like a "yes." So you said it. It wasn't much more dramatic than that. There wasn't shouting (well, I did. In fact I think I sprinted around the house in circles, maybe? but I'm always louder and more dramatic than steadfast you)--it was more of a trembling, obedient and brave "yes." Obedience is what it felt like we were pursuing, much more than a passionate world-changing calling (okay it still felt like that a little bit to me because I was (am) just so stinking proud of you and the work. But it was obedience first). 

I respect you so much for how you went through that process and for how you led me (and the kids) through it.  

And 2- I found you to be humble, wise, brave and faithful because of what you told me/others you thought our "yes" might (and might not) mean.

Before taking the job you talked to one of your best friends who runs a company having (what many perceive and commend as) significant impact on the lives of folks in Honduras. And you listened to him when he said: no matter how comparatively "inspiring" or "impactful" the job might seem right now...it wasn't actually going to feel like you were changing the world, even if you were doing a great, faithful job. Most days it wasn't going to feel like you were having any impact let alone significant impact. And he urged you not to take the job imagining (or me imagining) that it would feel like that. He warned us and you listened. He didn't say the job wasn't a good fit for us or that we shouldn't do it (much to the contrary, really)...he just didn't want us to have naive and harmful expectations. Your job wasn't going to mean you feel inspired everyday when you come home from the office. Your job wasn't going to mean that we were going to have sex twice a day instead of our normal once because of how energized about and proud of your work I am now. (He was SO wrong on that one. high five. guys I'm joking. good grief.) You get what I'm saying, though. We weren't suddenly going to feel everyday like it wasn't "work"--like somehow the toilsome part of the work curse gets extracted for you/us because we're following God into it.

You listened. You absorbed. You repeated to anyone who would listen who was tempted to "pollyanna" the work, or put your work on a pedestal, or who has similar aspirations. We probably weren't going to have a super significant impact on anything (by normal measurable standards), and even if we did...it probably wouldn't feel like it most of the time. But we were going anyway, hoping we could be helpful offering our little bit. You deflated many a balloon with words of wisdom.  

And so one year ago you went in, and helped me and the community around us go in with eyes mostly open or at least more open than they could have been. The way you made the "yes" decision and the way you listened to his (and the Bible's words about unseen fruit, working unto the LORD regardless of accolades or seeming effectiveness, or passionate excitement etc.) has made all the difference for us this year.

Because...well...we really haven't changed the world. At least a few parts of every week we wonder if what we're doing is even going to have much of an impact on the teeny part of the world in which we serve. Lots of the work has felt more like herding sheep while swimming upstream (yes this time I'm intentionally mixing metaphors) instead of transforming one or ninety-nine lives. Many days this February and March--along with everyone in the east coast of the US--we've wondered if "spring" is ever going to come (in the work).  

But, in part, because of the way you walked us through the discernment process and the way you talked me through moving here, I'm not confused. I'm not shaken. We're here because He called us here. We're here to work hard and to do so unto the LORD regardless of seen fruit or certain long term impact (though surely we ought to aim, strive and hope to see lots of it--He was raised from the dead after all and can do anything, and He made YOU in His image for this work. I mean we have SO much hope because of true things). And we HAVE gotten to be a small (but who isn't small?) part of some amazing stories of redemption, hope, transformation.

But, at the end of year one I'm more in step with you (and the Bible) in a marathon pace--thanks for shaping me towards that. For us to continue to do this well we'll surely need the LORD's help to endure with patience and joy. But we have a God who isn't short on supply. These verses are my prayer for us as we enter year two:

Hebrews 12:1-3 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Consider him who endured such opposition from sinful men, so that you will not grow weary and lose heart. 

and

Colossians 1: 10-12 "And we pray this in order that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and may please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience and joyfully giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of the saints in the kingdom of light. 

Hunter, I respect you for how you've walked with the LORD in taking and doing the job. I honor you (and your maker) for your gifts and skills that help bring about beautiful Kingdom impact in the work/our lives here. You being here (in particular) matters! And I respect you for your faithfulness over years of walking with him and submitting yourself to his care, correction and leading.  I love you and am in this with you. Your people will always be my people. 

indefinitely yours,
Adrianne

PS. FYI, other people are reading this and I don't want them to think work stuff isn't going well just because of all this talk about a better reason to come being obedience not impact... or the fact that I'm telling folks we need endurance and some of the grittier things God promises to provide us with when going through difficulties. As you know, both of these versions are true: the work is so hard and we don't feel super impactful much of the time...and your work is actually really impactful and inspiring and you're (along with the team) kicking some ass.

Ahem. So, lest you people think we should just come on home because of all this less inspiring sounding "steadfastness regardless of results" "please pray for endurance and long suffering for us" stuff...and because telling (allowing ourselves to think them through) impactful stories nourishes US too...

here's just one amazing story from a long list of ones I'd love to tell you over coffee or at a party this summer where we'll share with Richmonders about how it's going. 

This is one about Lilian and Hunter's work.

Verses that have been important to us throughout our married life (coming up on 10 years this September!) are Jeremiah 29: 4-7. Verse 7 in particular: "seek the peace and prosperity of the city to which I have carried you into exile. Pray to the LORD for it, because if it prospers you too will prosper." 

That was (is) our prayer in our neighborhood in Richmond and it has become our prayer here in Rwanda--it is how we'd like to live wherever the LORD carries us. We long for the deepest forms of peace and prosperity for people here. And we believe the LORD when he says that our own shalom (translated prosperity here) is caught up in others. 

So last month the President of Rwanda, Paul Kagame, requested a site visit to one of the projects Hunter's firm has been working on. I'm not super into celebrity things, but it was a pretty big deal and I was excited for them. 

The project itself is working with a large international fashion company based in NYC. Through their joint efforts over 100 women have been employed to make high end fashion products (not ones that look like African crafts) to be sold around the world. They'll publicly launch in May and I'll be happy to proudly tell you more specifics. But for now: 76% of those women weren't employed before. Consider the implications of that statement in a place where unemployment means not enough food for everybody in  your family, no education for your kids, no ability to pay for medical care or emergencies should they arise. And now all those women who weren't employed have a steady job. The fashion company is quietly investing into the whole community in which they've built the co-op. There are so many individual stories of hope and redemption. And Hunter's firm has been pivotal on the ground in making it happen (so says the VP at the fashion company). Without them there isn't a chance the project works. 

Some of the women at the graduation ceremony for their training. Graduation was a BIG day. So much excitement and dignity and honor.

The definition of flourishing (shalom/prosperity in Jeremiah 29) I like the best comes from Cornelius Plantiga: 
"… In the Bible, shalom means universal flourishing, wholeness and delight – a rich state of affairs in which natural needs are satisfied and natural gifts fruitfully employed, a state of affairs that inspires joyful wonder as its Creator and Savior opens doors and welcomes the creatures in whom he delights. Shalom, in other words, is the way things ought to be." Guys we should be clapping! That's the kind of effect this project is having! natural gifts fruitfully employed. natural needs satisfied. PEOPLE!!!!! 

And to top it all off, the fact that President Kagame was coming to check out the work meant we needed Lilian (who works for our family and whom I DEARLY love and respect) to work a bit of a different schedule that day to help us. The conversation went something like this:

me- "Lilian, tomorrow I'll need you to come a bit earlier than I thought. President Kagame is coming to see one of the projects Karisimbi is working on..."

Lilian (interruping and SHOUTING and jumping): HAAAAAALLELUJAH!!!! HALLELUJAH PRAISE YOU JESUS!

me (way less enthusiastic than apparently I should have been): yes! it is really exciting.

Lilian (still uncharacteristically shouting and jumping and now pumping both fists and arms over her head) HALLELUJAH! YES! PRAISE YOU JESUS. YES! EVERYday--EVERYDAY I pray for you: dear God help family Hunter. bless Karisimbi. bless family Hunter. YES! HALLELUJAH PRAISE YOU JESUS.
....
Gosh words and descriptions just can't do it justice. She was overwhelmed with joy and gratefulness to God for our good news, knowing the President's visit was a good sign of our flourishing.

There were a lot of beautiful things happening in that moment related to shalom and interwoven lives. One of them is definitely the TRUTH that our shalom here in Rwanda has been tied up with Lilian. We've certainly been seeking the peace and prosperity of Rwandans in general, clients and the women in the project the President visited...and all at the same time Lilian has been faithfully working and praying for our peace and prosperity. She has been one of the biggest gifts from the LORD to our family in enabling us to flourish (not just survive) here. Praise you Jesus for the gift of Lilian. Please bless her and her family. Hallelujah.

a little girl died yesterday

A little girl died yesterday and I saw it. 
I don't know her name, but there is One who knows it most deeply.
In His image he made her. For beauty. For life. She was made to reflect who He is to the whole world. She was made radiantly. Just like you.

She looked as old and as young as my little girl.
Every scenario playing through my mind for what happened on that road is unfair. We were created equal. She and my daughter just as beautifully, thoughtfully and wonderfully made. 

But there was no equality for those two girls yesterday.

I came upon the accident scene moments after it occurred. I was on my way to visit the Noonday/Umucyo women who can now (barely but with dignity!) afford to send their young children to school instead of let them roam the streets. These women were noticed by Him and her, offered training for a potential job and then saw provision. They work hard. Their children are benefiting. I wouldn't say life is "just" for them... but it is much closer than it was. 

I was on my way with a friend to look them in the eye, greet them with a hug and rave over their recent work. They make such beautiful things and work so hard! But on my way there was an accident.

My celebration of the progress and success of some of MLK's dreams and Jesus' blood-purchased promises of fullness of life and hope and equality was interrupted by the reality that we still have so far to go.

My car was only third or fourth in the traffic line but the foot crowd was already forming. Her lifeless body waiting by the road.

Waiting for assistance. Waiting for attention. Waiting for arms to tenderly care for her. Waiting for medical emergency behavior and urgency.

Moments before the accident, though, her full-of-life body was waiting too. The details of her and her family's wait are not known to me:

- but if the world was just and people were experiencing true "shalom," that six year old girl would have been in school.

-if the world was just and people were experiencing true "shalom," that six year old girl wouldn't be walking alongside a dangerous road carrying dirty water for miles for her family.

Because of where my daughter was born--here or there--she would have received emergency medical care immediately. But that beautiful little girl, without apparent urgency, held lifeless in the arms of a man in the backseat of a car, was driven in the opposite direction of the nearest hospital. That hospital was less than a mile from where we were. But she would have been turned away because you have to have funds upon arrival even for a life-or-death emergency.

Martin Luther King Junior, whose birthday we celebrated the day this little girl tragically died, famously said "the arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends towards justice." Oh friends, the arc was too long for that little girl and we can't just wait for it to improve. We're meant to be active as we await a Savior from heaven to make things fully right. 

MLK also said this:

“Time itself is neutral; it can be used either destructively or constructively. More and more I feel that the people of ill will have used time much more effectively than have the people of good will. We will have to repent in this generation not merely for the hateful words and actions of the bad people but for the appalling silence of the good people. Human progress never rolls in on wheels of inevitability; it comes through the tireless efforts of men willing to work to be co-workers with God, and without this hard work, time itself becomes an ally of the forces of social stagnation. We must use time creatively, in the knowledge that the time is always ripe to do right.”

This little girl and her family were waiting on the slow arc of justice to keep moving in their favor. But her death shows we aren't there yet. Don't fall asleep, friends. Your gifts, your strengths, your varied forms of prosperity are useful for bringing about justice and peace in this world. You have much to offer! 

We have made so much progress that's worth celebrating. The women at Umucyo have the opportunity to send their children to school. 

Several of the projects Hunter's team has been working on have made a significant impact in the lives of hundreds of people, giving them a hope for the future. (THAT'S MY HUSBAND!!) 

And 4 years ago this Thursday my family got to hold our son for the first time

"I have a dream that one day little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers." MLK

We have seen lots of progress.


But a little girl died yesterday and I saw it. And no scenario imaginable about it was fair. 

"Speak up and judge fairly, defend the rights of the poor and needy." Proverbs 31:9

please don't skip right to "Joy to the World"

I love Christmas. 

I love the “holiday” of It, with all the American nostalgia: the “chestnuts roasting” and “all I want for Christmas is you” music, the cold weather, the presents, the family gatherings, the cookies.

And (differently but necessarily simultaneously) I love the Christian’s celebration of it: after many years of waiting, God did what He promised. He sent a Savior for the world! The Messiah was born! And how surprising and awe-inspiring the details of His birth and life and death were.

I LOOOOOOOOOOVE Christmas.

But it isn’t Christmas yet. And that matters to me.

This December, Is there room left in your decorated home and is there space left in your rightfully excited and expectant heart for “Come Thou Long Expected Jesus?” and “O Come, O Come Emmanuel and ransom captive Israel?”

Because now is the time for Advent. A time of waiting. A time of remembering the longing of the Jews for a Messiah to come. In advent Christians (on this side of Jesus’ birth/death/resurrection) are invited to reflect on how much we ourselves and our world is still in need of a Savior and that helps us to both celebrate His birth and to anticipate and ache for His second coming.

We live in a world that’s still broken, that’s still very much in need of a Savior and when with songs (but worse in reality with how we engage our broken stories and those around us) we skip right to Joy to the World all the time, we miss out on really valuing His coming and really loving each other.

I love the line in Joy to the World that says “He comes to make His blessings flow…far as the curse is found, far as the curse is found, far aaaaas, far aaaaaaaaaas the curse is found.”

That line invites us to WEEP AND CLAP ALL AT THE SAME TIME! He really promises to do that? That’s why He came? That’s what His birth meant?! But I think many of us are out of touch with the joy available to us when we sing that song because we’re out of touch with knowing the sadness and ache of the curse.

Would you be willing to let yourself imagine what you’re waiting for? Areas in your life that feel disappointing, broken, incomplete, still longing. Is it your job that still feels unfulfilling despite promotions or career change? Is it your relationships that feel distant despite desire for more? Is it that deep wound that still feels so far from healing? What is it that makes you ache for more than this? What if allowing yourself in those spaces to cry out for a Rescuer would allow your heart to make room for His arrival? It opens you to longing that might not go away until He returns—no doubt—but at least then you’re alive and honest! And I believe then it accesses some of the deepest truest parts of your own need of a Savior.

Or if you don’t want to go there, would you be willing to imagine what the world is waiting for? What kids in the inner-city of Richmond are waiting for? What wealthy lonely friends might be waiting for? What kids at Home of Hope are waiting for? The more you deeply engage the real darkness and sadness in this world (and in your own life), I believe, the more you’ll see your insufficiency and the need of a Savior to really rescue and heal and make things right.

My dad and his 8 siblings lost their mother when he was in elementary school and his whole life he has felt a deep sadness for all of December (the month that has both her birthday and the anniversary of her death). You could see it coming at Thanksgiving. My dad is always a teddy bear wearing tough guy skin (he’s not fooling anybody…but he did have to raise 4 girls so he couldn’t always wear his tender emotions on his sleeve). But December was different than teddy bear. Without fail, right before or after Thanksgiving there was a tenderness, a sadness, a deep ache and sensitivity to everything for him. And it lasted through Christmas.

I used to only feel so sad about it for him. And I still feel sad. But I also feel a real thankfulness at his achy heart that happens to be during Advent season every year. He knows what it is to cry out and ache for more. He knows what it is to agree with something deep inside that says mommy’s shouldn’t die when their kids are babes. Yes he knows that Jesus came and that gives him hope and joy, but every December (in particular) he is in touch with the truth that we are still waiting people, needing  a Savior to come. Come Thou Long Expected Jesus!

My mom lost her mama this year (and she already lost her dad). She and I are in agreement that having someone live a relatively long life doesn’t mean that we don’t ache, mourn and cry out against death. We weren’t made for death! Apparently she isn’t decorating for Christmas this year and isn’t doing some of our typical celebratory pre-Christmas traditions. I don’t know if she’s named it this, but I have a real respect for her Advent-like attitude as she mourns and aches for a Savior to come and return and make all things new. To take away death once and for all. She’s waiting with hope and longing for a Savior who has promised to wipe away every tear. Far as the curse is found.

I’m thankful for both of their Advent examples, though perhaps you could see their behavior as merely putting a damper on the excitement of Christmas. Instead I see it as instrumental in helping me prepare for the real Christmas.

I believe that when Christians have underdeveloped Advent hearts they also have underdeveloped Christmas and Easter hearts. Yes we wait and ache and grieve as those with hope of a Savior who actually came! Who took the curse on himself and was raised from the dead whose power is at work in the world! Yes, yes, yes! But I find when I’m in tune with the sad realities of a broken world, it doesn’t make me less joyful or hopeful, it makes me more appreciative of a Savior and makes me long for His reign to come in fullness.

Come Thou Long Expected Jesus.

where fierce, unyielding compassion and wisdom meet

Sometimes when I face the needs of someone remarkably poor and desperate, whom I don't think I'm actually supposed to be helping, I choose to lower my eyes. To keep emotional distance. To come up with reasonable sounding excuses as to why I shouldn't get involved (physically or emotionally). I did it in the States when pulling up to a light and someone hungry, homeless or lonely tapped on my window. "They'll probably use the money they're asking for for beer." "I give to places that help men like him...this kind of mercy is actually toxic." And I do it here when someone desperate pleads at the gate. Or incessantly calls my number. "This is what he means in the book "when helping hurts." It isn't good for our long term relationship or their long term good for me to help with that."

That train of thinking isn't lacking knowledge necessarily--it even has wisdom, perhaps--but there can be a significant cost to our godly compassion when we remain exclusively in our heads. Being able to say "no" to someone without it creating angst, longing or compassion is a deadening, hardening reality for many. There are thousands who've grown cynical and cold to the needs of the poor, but mask their unbiblical indifference with wise-sounding arguments.

But wisdom should never need to diminish compassion. Never. With God these things always work congruently.

But then, of course, there are a lot of passionate but not weathered college students and recent college graduates who judge those who they feel have burned out on their former passions (me 10 years ago). They look down their noses at those who have burned out but still care deeply and others who have grown cynical and (seemingly) indifferent to the never-ending needs of those who are poor. "That'll never happen to me" they proudly assume. "Those guys must have just not really had it in them. They must not have cared as much as me."

There's a significant cost, too, for those zealous twentysomethings (and older!) who compassionately engage real poverty without knowing how and when to say no. There are thousands of stories of these (aging) young ones neglecting spouses and children, never resting, doing more than they were made to do; all, of course, in the name of compassion for those who are desperate and needy.

I think the Bible shows us that there's something wise and deeply good for us in these moments and stories that falls somewhere between lowering our eyes and exhaustive involvement.

With Jesus wisdom and compassion always meet.

Matthew 9: 35-38:
"Jesus went through all the towns and villages, teaching in their synagogues, preaching the good news of the kingdom and healing every disease and sickness. When he saw the crowds, he had compassion on them, because they were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd. Then he said to his disciples, "The harvest is plentiful but the workers are few. Ask the Lord of the harvest, therefore, to send out workers into his harvest field."

Within the first few months of living here we were inundated with ideas, desires and compelling needs. We had known about a lot of organizations both large and small in advance of moving to Rwanda, so it wasn't long upon moving here that we were feeling the pull of many needs.

I think as I've grown in my faith and asked for the Lord to break my heart for what breaks His, my compassion has grown. Which means I've grown to cry and ache in many ways where people (all) are lacking something that is part of our design: Family. Food. Shelter. Health. Love. Some affect me much more deeply--He's given me some deep aches that orient my calling and schedule, but I've grown aches and longings for things that don't pull my heart strings so naturally, too.

And this is what kept happening in our first months here. And what happens anywhere in the world. You encounter a need. You sense someone's lonely. Someone's marriage is struggling. Someone's kid isn't getting adequate education. Etc. It isn't a need you're necessarily supposed to/made to engage (but it might be). But you don't want to just be cold and indifferent. But you don't want to just say yes, either. So what do you do?

I think this passage suggests that in that moment we're meant to feel compassion but that compassion can lead us in a few ways. Sometimes in leads us to activity. Like the many times Jesus' heart when out to someone and He healed them. And the many times He calls you/me into activity to be his healing hands and feet that bring good news. But in this passage, Jesus' compassion was followed-up by reminding his disciples to pray. There's so much need. Pray.

What does that say to me? It says: be careful not to let your heart stop feeling compassion in order to make wise choices for yourself or others in these moments. Let your hearts move with the Lord's heart. But ask him to give you the wisdom of when his compassion is meant for you to cry out for more laborers who are made to engage with that person's story. And ask him to give you the wisdom and willingness to engage deeply and messily when it is something into which He's called you.

I'm so thankful for a Savior who has infinite wisdom, who knows most deeply what people need, and when he walked the earth who regularly engaged individuals and looked out upon crowds and his heart was always filled with compassion. May that be increasingly true for me and you.

I'm so thankful that He allowed me to read these words with the Spirit's help to apply them in our first few months here. I imagine I'll keep revisiting this passage throughout my life.

*I have a lot of respect for the men and women who have written articles and books around the topics of (and titles) Toxic Charity and When Helping Hurts. Their hearts are compassionate and wise and they've helped make a lot of progress in ensuring the kind of involvement activists engage in is actually deeply helpful. But sometimes I think readers have allowed some of their ideas to be extracted without their aching hearts of compassion. And there's a lot of danger in that space.

A year ago today

A year ago today my husband boarded a plane alone to Rwanda. He carried more baggage with him than a 3 day trip required. Not just the baggage filled with treasured goodies for expat friends, but the phantom weight of the emotional marital baggage we'd carried, wrestled through, fought, ached, cried and longed over. Baggage that had left us weary, humbled and broken. Baggage that by God's grace had largely been resolved and restored. Would this be the next step in not only resolving but redeeming it?

The summer before we married I spent living with beautiful girls not unlike my daughter Lucy but who happened to be born in Zimbabwe. And who happened to have been orphaned by AIDS and poverty. I arrived back in the States five weeks before we said "I do" and I came home with a newly planted but deeply rooted part of me. A part of my image bearing dignity had been catalyzed in those months away. 

As I deplaned and set to life in Richmond, VA, I thought that catalyzed seed was a fully formed plant. Oh, but it was embryonic at best, and I had no clue. It seems that God planned many years of nurturing and carefully cultivating that desire, but I thought it was ready for launch. And so obstinantely, passionately but with good longings, I demanded that it be launched immediately. And so it sort of was. But not without its years of tantrums, demands, self-centeredness, and judgment that belies a lack of grace and wisdom. Though plenty of other parts of us thrived and developed, the incongruence felt in our marriage regarding how terribly I dealt with my good longings and passion created many painful and difficult conversations, fights and years of marriage.

But through many "I'm sorry's" and "I was so wrongs" and a generally humbling seven years, God healed that part of me and us. And He maintained and sustained in both of us a part of the LORD's image created and purposed in us before our parents celebrated our births: a desire to show what God's kingdom is like by using our gifts among the least of these. 

Despite deep wounds inflicted, our desire and passion and dignity still had a pulse.

But in August 2012 when Hunter (somewhat accidentally) initiated a potential job in Rwanda at Karisimbi, we walked with trepidation, knowing the marital minefield surrounding us. We walked slowly and we walked together, neither of us rushing ahead. Both of us still very aware of the scars of past wounds. Both of us still feeling the desire and hope for what could be. 

We walked together until November 8th when he boarded the plane alone. And we both knew that this choice and decision was his to make. The decision, final interviews, in-person impressions--all of that was his responsibility, not mine. Yes he would yield to and obey God if it felt like that was how the LORD showed him to make the decision. But we knew it might not come down that way; God doesn't always make our choices matters of obedience. Making the decision felt like a weighty responsibility to him, but by God's grace he didn't feel pressured or like I wouldn't support him if he said no. And he was ready to make that decision. 

I wish I could say I only delighted in the reality that the decision rested with Hunter. I certainly had an appreciation for how that was Planned. But OH how my heart cried out over that weekend, wrestling with God, writhing for power I didn't have and control that wasn't mine. Until the LORD quieted my soul. But he did quiet my soul.

a picture of me from that weekend that captured my excitement and angst

As I drove to the Dulles airport to pick up my husband knowing very little about how the weekend and interviews had gone, God settled in my soul that my main desire and pursuit that day was toward my husband. He was not a means to an end. As he arrived I felt curious about how he felt, how God had moved in him. I didn't rush the conversation along wanting only to know "SO, DO YOU THINK WE'RE GOING TO DO THIS OR NOT?!" I wasn't manufacturing that patience, I actually felt different. I was less concerned about the outcome and more concerned about knowing him. That was one of the biggest miracles and blessings of that weekend and of this move.

God wasn't only good on August 6th 2012 when Hunter initiated the job or on November 8th when he left for Rwanda. He wasn't only good when he came home on November 11th still shockingly (to both of us) open to the job. He wasn't only good on November 23rd when we got the job offer or on December 15th when we accepted it (don't worry I won't write anniversary posts for all of those).

He was good on September 4, 2004 when we said "I do." He was good on the most humbling and difficult days of our journey to living here. He was good on the days I wept in Richmond because He had legitimately made me want to stay and live and serve there. 

He is always good. 

"Many, O LORD my God, are the wonders you have done. The things you have planned us no one can recount to you; were I to speak and tell of them, they would be too many to declare." Psalm 40: 5

"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith--and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God--not by works, so that none can boast. For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God planned in advance for us to do." Ephesians 2: 8-10.


PS, In November 2011 (a year before the interviews), this was the email exchange between Hunter and me:

subject line "thinking about contacting Karisimbi again"
Hunter: you game? nothing imminent but I think I want to start the conversation that I thought about beginning a year ago.

my response:
"you just trying to get in bed with me?"

He was good that day too. 

these are a few of our favorite things...

Friends have been asking about how/what to send to us for our first Christmas away. Thanks for thinking of us!!

Our address is

Hunter and Adrianne Thompson

PO Box 7164 

Kigali, Rwanda

Christmas cards (which we would LOOOOOOVE) need 3 stamps to make it to us!

Here is a dream/wish list! thanks so much for loving on our family!!

• copies of your itinerary to come visit us!! SERIOUSLY!!!!
• ITunes Gift cards
• cereals
• honeynut cheerios
• regular cheerios
• cinnamon toast crunch
• cocoa puffs
• raisin bran
• life and cinnamon life
• chocolate chips
• light brown sugar
• 2 Cup liquid measuring cup
• goldfish
• wheat thins
• Jif peanut butter
• oreos
• brown sugar poptarts
• creamy parmesan risotto
• 0-3 month onesies (for the few weeks we'll be here before coming home to visit!)
• Les Miserables movie
• nalgene bottles (2)
• magnetic fridge picture frames
• "real" bacon bits
• parmesan cheese
• graham crackers
• oatmeal packets (not the fruity ones... we like cinnamon, banana bread, brown sugar)
• cracklin oat bran
• taco shells
• tostitos
• Isaiah wants a "real wand"??
• Lucy said "a new barbie" 

some exciting news!

for our non-Facebook and Instagram friends:

Thrilled and thankful to announce that Thompson baby #4 will arrive in mid-May!

And there-in lie my apologies and excuses for being slow to respond to gracious and thoughtful emails. I'm counting on the second trimester bringing with it a resurgence of energy and health!